i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
