If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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