I hate your face
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
