I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
