we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
