my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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