I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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