i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
