I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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