Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
