I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
