On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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