Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I party with great urgency now.
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