....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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