i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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