I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
