it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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