I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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