Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
