just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
