My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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