You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
