Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
