I puked a lego.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
