If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
