I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
