im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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