absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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