I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this beer tastes like vomit already
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
