I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
