Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
