i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
