if you like me you must not know who I am
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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