Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
