I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
