no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
