Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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