It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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