I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
