there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
honey bunches of taint.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
