Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
