if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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