Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
