i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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