He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
