We won't sleep together?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
