There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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