Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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