i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
