At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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