pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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