yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
