You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
