What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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