totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
