Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
