I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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