Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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