My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
