I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
