sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
