Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
