the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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