dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
