Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
