Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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