There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
